Dear Autism Momma

This letter is an expansion on my contribution to “A Letter from Me to You” series by iamRosdalyRamirez on instagram

Your maternal instinct is your superpower, listen to it. Do not let your mind convince you that you can not handle this journey. You are uniquely qualified. When you figure out that all you need to do is trust yourself and be in tune with your child's needs, things will all start to make sense. 

My mind has gone from “why me?” to, “I can see why he is mine.” Building an emotional connection with my River was something I thought would be difficult. He resisted hugs and kisses, did not respond to his name, and made little eye contact. I knew with his lack of babbling or calling out mama that his language use would be limited. I would think “when will he say mama I love you?”. As an able bodied person who is so dependent on spoken language to express love, I was struggling to see how love would manifest in this new dynamic.  

You may find yourself comparing your child to typical ones, to others on the spectrum and begin to question if you are doing enough. Try to redirect your attention to your journey. It is unique, it is yours, it is special and will not look exactly as someone else's. Water your own grass. 

To this day I am taken aback when I hear 3 year olds having full blown conversations. So you mean to tell me he understands you, follows directions, and verbally responds with their own feelings? Understanding and developing receptive and expressive language has been a wild ride. Yet I do not lose hope, each baby step of development is a cause for celebration. Watching my 11 year old jump with excitement when his little brother says a new word is truly altering my brain chemistry in the best way. 

You may also find yourself riddled with anxiety thinking too far ahead. Will they have a job? Go to college? Have children? BREATH MOMMA, focus on the now. Baby steps. I have been there. When I remember to be present, I am more easily able to see and celebrate progress. 

I have gotten into the habit of re-writing those thoughts that are too far ahead. I think, will he eat a new vegetable this year? Will he share his toys with his sister? Will he ask for a snack with his words instead of pulling me by the hand? I think even smaller and celebrate a diaper change without a tantrum, I celebrate when he finishes a cup of water without spilling half of it to splash around. 

Lastly, being your child's advocate will naturally fuel all of your choices. However, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Accept help when offered, ask for help from trusted people. Allow people close to you to get to know your special child so that you are not their one and only source of support. 

This is probably the hardest thing for any of us to do. We all have varying amounts of support and people we trust with our children. That number gets even smaller when we think about who we can trust with our neurodivergent children. Who has the patience? Who can communicate with your non-verbal child? Yet you have to fiercely make forming those relationships a priority. It is the only way to protect yourself from burnout. It is the only way to ensure you are always mentally healthy to be the best momma for your little one(s). 

Sincerely, Stephanie, River’s Momma

Thank you for reading until the end

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